A bump in the road

For a while now things have been going so well. I have been able to get around wherever I want, attend all my classes and even participate in a college sport, diving. It seemed like everything was mostly under control. There were some things that had stuck around, and things that came up every now and again, but for the most part I was feeling good. Certainly a whole lot better than I have felt, in what seems like ages. Like all things autoimmune though, I knew I was good, but that didn’t mean I would stay that way forever. I knew I needed to appreciate each moment, because who knows which one might be my last. I knew all this, I knew I could feel great for months or years or maybe just weeks, or maybe I would continue to get better, maybe even go into remission. Who knows. But even while I knew it might not last, I hoped that it would last longer than it has. I have hit the inevitable bump in the road, and it’s upsetting. Even though I have been here before, and much worse, and dealt with it, I’m frustrated and a little bit heart-broken non the less. I don’t want to have joint pain, I don’t need the worry of stiffness, or the seemingly endless pull of chronic fatigue. I don’t want to have to compromise and miss out on things, I don’t want to be here again. But I am…

This time though I feel more prepared, I know what it’s like, I have strategies that have worked in the past that I can implement. I have a great rheumatologist who is treating this flare aggressively so that I can get back to that state where I felt good, as soon as possible. So that I can get back to diving, so that I can attend class and feel like I’m actually concentrating on what’s being taught, rather than focusing most of my concentration on just trying to be awake and hopefully somewhat aware of whats going on. I’m going for an MRI next week to check my pelvic region, because it’s my hips and lower spine that are giving me the most trouble at the moment, and then we can reevaluate again, make more changes if necessary. I’m going to continue to fight this thing, I just wish I didn’t have to.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s