Bring on the crazy

As many of you know, sleep problems often accompany many autoimmune and chronic pain conditions. Ever since I was diagnosed I have had trouble sleeping. In regards to this it seems I have experienced everything and anything under the sun. I have had problems getting to sleep, problems staying asleep, nights where pain wakes me up, night sweats, or sometimes even when I do sleep it doesn’t feel like I’m really sleeping, more like a half asleep, dozing, kind of feeling.

So a couple of months ago I made the scary decision to go onto sleeping tablets, something I was trying to avoid like the plague. Since I have been on it I think my sleeping habits have improved and I have felt a lot more rested in general. But, and there often seems to be a but, it comes with its own set of side effects. Since I have started using stilnox, most nights it has brought the circus to town.

This med is great in terms of finally letting me get some much needed rest, but it makes me a little odd, a bit crazy. I take it usually right before bed, and then under cover of night the show begins. This drug makes me feel high/drunk/off/just an odd ball. I have had nights where I have had conversations between my hands. Moments where a song pops into my head, and I only realise seconds afterwards that I am belting out the song, not just going through it in my head. I have had dialogues with myself, had deeply insightful monologues, made funny faces at the ceiling, because I feel like I have just newly felt how it impacts my muscles, and how fun and funny it feels.  I have seen my pillows piled up next to me like a mountain, which I have then climbed with my fingers. I have made up songs, thought up whole stories in my head. Even crept across my bedroom on my tippy toes to sneak chocolate out of my cupboard (as if anyone could see me through my closed bedroom door) then ninja crawled across my bed, misjudging the length, and found my self on the floor, with a sore bottom to show for it.

This one med has made my nights hilarious. It has opened the door and invited the whole circus in. I swear you could make a comedy show out of the things it tempts my confuzzled brain into doing.

But it works, it does what it needs to do, it makes me sleep. Something that I have sorely missed. So bring on the crazy, just make sure the door is closed first….

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