Sometimes I wonder if I should come with a big warning sign. One with flashing lights and sirens, so that people know that I am a walking hazard. But then again, I only really need this sign for myself, as I’m my own worst enemy, a walking disaster just waiting to happen, or more like constantly in progress.
Since I last posted I have managed to get myself into a couple other less than stellar situations. I have managed to most likely have torn some muscles in my right shoulder, on a kids blown up water obstacle course, and later in the week managed to crash a bike at full speed into a tree, and was lucky to walk away with only a couple lovely big bruises. I being who I am, very seldom think of my limitations and boundaries until I have pushed them way to far. Then everyone and their neighbour seems to think it their job to point this out. And although they all mean well, it annoying, and it makes me feel even worse. But in the end, which was much much later, it actually cheered me up, and made me laugh. Why? I thought you were annoyed? Well I came to the conclusion that everyone and their neighbour were just like me, they knew my limits. They knew I had done no exercise, unless walking to the kitchen to get food counts, for more than a year, and that run, jumping and climbing all over an obstacle course and going on biking trails was probably a little bit beyond me and my puny muscle mass (ok I lied, there seems to be no muscles left to be found). But like me it didn’t occur to them until after I had hurt myself, or maybe also like me they just wanted to believe I could do it, both of us just wanted to believe for a couple of hours that I was normal, and for a while I did. I didn’t even think about my arthritis, how tired I was, that my joints felt less than perfect. The minute I climbed onto that inflatable obstacle course, till the second it ended with a bang (because that’s just the way I roll) Juvenile arthritis didn’t exist, it was deleted from the play completely, finally made to watch from the side lines while someone else had fun. Just like me they were quick to warn me that maybe I shouldn’t be trying to impersonate my 13 year old self, maybe I should be a bit more careful, take things slower, build up what I can do, and hopefully some kind of muscle, slowly. They were quick to tell me that although I might feel better, my body was far from what it used to be, and I would do well to remember that. Like me the found hind sight much clearer than foresight. I was not the only one that day that had made a few mistakes, that had forgotten that I was different, should act different. I felt better in the realisation, that I had made a mistake, and the mistake was all mine, but those who were quick to tell me all that I was thinking myself, to warn me of going to fast, of over doing it, did not think of this at the beginning either, did not warn me first, encouraged me to keep going. I felt better in the realisation that I was not alone, that others had trodden here before, even tread with me, and the realisation that this was not the first time I had done this (not even close), and would not be the last. But for now serves as a reminder. For how long we will just have to wait and see.